Dodge Ball; A Twisted Tale of High Stakes, Endurance and Outright Malice

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Mac McClintock

Tyler Damico, Reporter

It is often considered harmful to dodge most things. Child support, your emotions, your taxes; these are all things one probably should not dodge. Dodgeball is unique in the aspect that dodging is not only celebrated, but an essential part of the sport. Woodland Park High Schools’ annual dodgeball tournament is easily one of the most high pressure events that a high school auditorium can hold.  It is not for the faint of heart dear reader; that it is not. With anyone being allowed to join and the elusive trophy on everyone’s mind, one has to wonder how most were not driven to madness under such extreme pressure.

Seven teams filled to the brim with talent, guts and all out athleticism all clashed head to head for a taste of the sweet, sweet nectar of victory.  Balls were flying, friendships were tarnished, and lovers were forced to battle each other on the blood soaked battlefield that is the high school gymnasium floor. It was the closest we could come to a modern day gladiatorial match without having the cops called.  As each team dodged and threw their hearts out, it boiled down to two teams.  The previous reigning champions, the Super Seniors, were many a high schoolers’ pick to win the tournament. Facing them in battle were the Sash Slinging Slashers, who were the pseudo-underdogs of the last round. It was best two out of three. The Super Seniors pulled out a victory in the first round. The Sash Slinging Slashers saw their bluff and countered by winning the next round. The last round is easily one of the most controversial things since the hot dog sandwich. Due to shady calls from the referee, the round restarted. As everyone in the audience watched with bated breath, the Slash Slinging Slashers came out as victors. Everyone celebrates as tears of joy fill the eyes of many an onlooker. The underdogs managed to pull out a victory against the reigning champions. This truly a story for the history books, folks.

This may seem like the end of the story, but no, dear reader. This is where it gets juicy. While everyone was basking in the sweet glow that is winning, a conspiracy to steal the trophy went underway and someone escapes, trophy in hand. The trophy’s current whereabouts are unknown, and authorities are still speculating on who took the trophy. Will they hold it for ransom? Will it ever see its trophy children again? Who took the trophy and what is their motive? These questions and many more haunt the minds of fair students as I am writing this. Only one thing is certain in the twisted mess that is the dodge ball tournament; it was extremely entertaining.