Advice Column: 2/19/16

Saucy Sixpack and Gucci Velociraptor

Dear Saucy Sixpack,

I feel that the people in this school are competitive to the point of malice. I dread coming here and dealing with the “harshing my mellow,” so to speak. Any advice?

Sincerely, Anonymous


Dear Anonymous,

I agree that many people in this school take things too seriously. One thing I’ve learned throughout my life is that people will act the way the want to act, and trying to change that only results in frustration. All you can do is be kind and courteous, so those around you notice and follow your example. People may be competitive buzzkills, but you can’t let that change the way you deal with others. Let them be competitive while you do you. In the immortal words of Christina Aguilera, “You are beautiful in every single way. Words won’t bring you down.”

Don’t go chasing waterfalls, Saucy Sixpack



Dear Gucci Velociraptor,

I feel that our school isn’t eco-friendly enough. We should strive to save the earth.

Sincerely, Tree Hugger


Dear Tree Hugger,

This school tries its darnedest to be eco-friendly. We do have the recycling bins after all. You have to realize that it’s not exactly economically feasible to be as eco-friendly as you want to be. It should not be the schools responsibilities to make you or anyone else recycle. However, you should try to maybe make a club that would spread awareness for eco-friendly practices and encourage others to care about the planet the way you do.

Sincerely, Gucci Velociraptor



Dear Saucy Sixpack,

I feel as if I am drowning in a sea of tests, grades, and broken dreams. I dread coming to this school and feel as if I am not getting the proper help from my teachers and fellow students. Can you provide an escape from this never ending vacuum of stress?

Sincerely, Stressed out


Dear Stressed Out,

I can sympathize with this schools ability to stress its students out.  For dealing with stress, you can research various relaxation methods and techniques. I would personally recommend soothing music and bubble baths, though that might just be me. As for not getting the proper help from school faculty, I would first vocalize your concerns with the counselors and teachers that aren’t giving you the help you need. Let them know that you are feeling overwhelmed and need help. They can’t help you if they don’t know you need help. If you do this, or already have done this, then finding sources of help outside of school may give you the info you need. The internet is an amazing tool, filled with online lessons, college info, and personal experience from other students going through the same things as you. Good luck, and keep believing in yourself.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls, Saucy Sixpack



Dear Gucci Velociraptor,

I feel that there aren’t enough classes that prepare us for the real world. If there were classes that taught taxes and filing checks, we would all be a bit happier.

Sincerely, Tiger Lily


Dear Tiger Lily,

I understand your pain; you feel like your school isn’t doing enough to prepare you for the real world. In all honesty though, no school has ever existed that was made to prepare you for real life applications. The point of high school is to be able to build a base layer of education that gives you the tools to be able to learn skills that would allow you to be a functioning member of society. So if you want to be prepared for college try doing some work outside of school; take the initiative to better yourself as a human being. You need to understand that not everything in your life is going to be spoon fed to you.

Best Regards, Gucci Velociraptor



Dear Saucy Sixpack,

I am writing to you with a question concerning the parking situation at our high school. I find it ridiculous how we students have to pay thirty dollars for a parking spot. If you could answer this question it would be much appreciated.



Dear Jordan,

I was in your position, often questioning the validity of paying for parking and wondering where the money paid by students went. I gave the case to my charming associate Tyler Damico, and after a fair amount of investigation through questioning and intense interrogation methods, he has come to the conclusion that the whole parking situation is a bit shady. I can’t tell the whole story here there are too many interested parties listening in. For the full story, check out his article on the subject and fill yourself with the ever flowing life source known as knowledge. I’ll see you there, true believer.

Don’t go chasing waterfalls, Saucy Sixpack